ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
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She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
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I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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