yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
