i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize