My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
