if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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