Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize