Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
