Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
