Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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