I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
