ya dads aren't the best wingmen
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
