i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
