just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
