Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
