Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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