Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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