and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
