the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
