Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
