when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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