I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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