Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
