Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
