did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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