So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
