I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
