Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Randomize
