I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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