Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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