She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
