now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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