wakey wakey hands off snakey
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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