What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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