not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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