I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Hippo gnu deer
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
