turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize
