My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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