I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize