If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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