I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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