you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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