I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
