i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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