Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I would ride that face into the sunset
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
