I think I died a long time ago.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
