I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
