You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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