I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
