Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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