Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
