My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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