i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Randomize
