margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
