Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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