Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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