can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
