His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
