dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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