i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Randomize
