If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
