you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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